Mind your language!

More often than not when you send a manuscript to an American or European journal, and the editor realizes that the corresponding author is desi….a standard comment packed in with the rest of the sophisticated abuse is  something on the lines of ‘The language needs significant revision/ please get it checked by a native English speaker’. So it was interesting when recently we got the same comment, when we actually had a full blooded Britisher as a co-author….I mean, how much more ‘native’ can you get?:)

The material was not really Nobel prize worthy anyway, so we had more or less assumed that the paper would be rejected anyway, but we still swallowed our pride and made some cosmetic changes and resubmitted. The honorable editor did not disappoint a bit. The submission was flushed down the electronic drain promptly.

 Sometimes I really wish I could indulge in a little light hearted banter with the editor in these situations, just for ‘time-pass’.  I would probably incorporate some solid Tharoorism combined with equally solid mallu engleeshu. Things would probably look something like:

“Extremely respected excellency editor saar,

I yam the sworry that my engleeshu not that adipoli. I studied in engleeshu school only, but very humbil and simble school only. So some some  engleeshu and all knowing, but not lot lot. U get point elle? You said to check with the native engleeshu speaker, but regret to inform you that in my native place, all same engleeshu level only. What to do? Sad only. Tharoor saar, u know? He very good engleeshu….much the better than the u england people and americakaaru. Big, big engleeshu (farrago and all….not simbil rodomontade words),but  he native of Trivandrum, myself Kochi. Wife Trivandrum native…but wife not author in this the paper…and wife also same engleesh like me only…maybe little less only (PS : please don’t tell her…if she read this she give me slow death, like the kuzhimandi chor making thing you know) . Manasillayo saar? But u know what the thing saar, one of the co-authors…..he sayippu only, like the you, same native place in the Elizabeth Rani’s place…and very white skin and all. Then how his engleeshu not good. Tell tell. I know that there is engleesh correcting DTP service and all for your journal (we also have same…Akshaya center you know aa?)….but big moneys asking. We simbil people from the Kerala. No moneys….we pay big money for puravastu (antique) u know. Our Monson sir having everything from Judas paisa to rocket fuel.....but we simbil people have  no money for normal fuel only (petrol daily daily jumping like the kangaroo). Sad only. So, like your Shakespeare chettan say, please don’t make the much ado about the nothing and all. Little problems in the writing and just you close eyes and all is the well that ends in the well.

Nanni, namaskaram

Your fatefully

Dr Feroze Kaliyadan